A Chronicle of Alcohol Use and Abuse in the Post-Collegiate World
Only bulls can afford moralism.
But in this bear economy, we are taking the words of Malcolm X to heart. In a desperate search for any port in a storm, many state legislatures are considering lifting their arcane Blue Laws—which not only restrict the sale of alcohol on Sundays, but until recently in many states, cars.
It’s no secret that Americans drink. It’s also not lost on anyone that in times of crisis we drink more. And what spells crisis better than The Great Recession?
Amidst the almost constant comparisons to The Great Depression of 1930s, it’s hard not to see yet another similarity. The repeal of prohibition came, convienently, at a time when more taxable capital was necessary. When push comes to shove, Americans do what must be done to stay afloat, even if it means we must compromise core, puritanical beliefs to do so. Among the few remaining states with dry Sundays, almost all have openly considered or already repealed them.
The American Way
It begs the question: Why in times of economic crisis do we turn to the bottle as our savior? What makes us abandon our treasured high ground and indulge in one, no two, no really this is going to be my last drink … SHOTS ON ME!
In this sinking economy, even faux-”City Upon A Hill” redux Utah is making steps to move away from its decidedly anachronistic ‘private club’ drinking law. Wait, hold on—what the fuck?
Yes, that’s right: Consuming alcohol outside of the home in Utah is only legal in card-carrying, dues-paying, social clubs. Now, the idea of membership in social clubs is somewhat interesting, and this newspaper is not entirely against this idea—but seriously, as the only places in the state to get a lil’ tight? It’s not hard to see why Mitt Romney is so out of touch.
Finally, though, the Republican (!) Governor of Utah, John Huntsman, is making a play to reverse the policy. Huntsman told a press conference, “‘We’re moving toward much greater normalisation today of our alcohol policy,” but it seems that the Governor is much more interested in the potential tourist dollars flowing over the border into Colorado—including the liberal bastion of Denver—than actually staking out a bold, modernizing position on alcohol reform. Again, we see that the recession is advancing social policy through monetary schemes.
But the move to sap further funding from alcohol consumption is not limited to bars and restaraunts. There is no respite for those moving their libations homeward—which we discouraged last week. Both Idaho and Oregon are considering additional taxes on all alcohol sales. It’s true that these taxes (if implimented) will not only affect pocketbooks of those schlepping their six-packs home, but those bellying up to the bar; but this sort of comprehensive, across the board messure is designed to get every last cent of revenue from the last vestage of relief the American people have.
But hey, what’s a nickel or two between friends, right? If MADD can lighten up a bit and see the upshot of a few extra dollars rolling through the economy while we take the edge off these very stressfull times, what can be wrong? This isn’t some insane tax like that levied upon cigarettes, most of these proposed measures amount to a bottle deposit or a double bottle deposit.
We know additional taxation sounds so “big government,” and that makes people cringe, but if the gradual erosion of our country’s shameful attitudes towards alcohol comes with a bit of a price—literally—we’re willing to pay the price. In more ways than one, this could lead to a brighter more prosperous tomorrow.
When we finally stagger blissfully out of this recession, and stare bleary-eyed at Perkins’ Tremendous Twelve’s metaphorical American excess, we will understand that regardless of our economic situation, we’ll always find great warmth and comfort in alcohol.
Stay Strong,
John C. Schlotfelt
Andrew M. Swift
theweeklydrunkard@gmail.com
